My name is Xiao Ling.
This year I married my foreign boyfriend. He doesn't know that I used to be a boy, and even less does he know the suppressed yet scorching desire deep in my bones.
Originally, I was just a quiet, slender boy. Height 168, weight 50 kilograms, my body as slight as a girl’s, only with a penis added. In college I fell out with my family over my ambitions and cut off contact. At night I worked at a Pub to make a living, and during the day I was surrounded by a group of girls at school.
Once during a break, a few female classmates came to my room to play Big Two. I lost miserably. Xiao Hui said with a laugh, 'If you lose again, you have to dress up as a girl and go shopping with us.' I still lost. They excitedly did my makeup and changed my clothes. In less than half an hour, a cute and quiet girl appeared in the mirror. I was so shy my face turned red, but they half-pushed, half-pulled me out the door. The campus was quiet at night, and I gradually got used to the feeling of the skirt and high heels. After seeing them back to their dorm, walking back on my own, my heartbeat was much faster than usual.
After that night, I started paying attention to the techniques of adult film actresses performing oral sex, and even in my dreams, the image of me kneeling and taking a man into my mouth repeatedly appeared. During college, I dated a few girlfriends, with limited sexual experience, yet the images in my dreams grew increasingly vivid.
After graduation, I got a bartender's license and continued working at the pub. My salary increased, and I bought a small apartment. Xiao Hui and the others still came to the bar occasionally. Once, a regular customer, Xiao Jian, invited me to his place after work. We drank and ate braised snacks until dawn. He took off his clothes, leaving only his underwear, with a large bulge in front. He smiled and asked if I wanted to see, then took off his underwear. His penis, not even fully erect, was almost as long as a palm, swaying before my eyes. I stared blankly until he walked up to me.
“You’re really special,” he said softly. “Even though you’re a boy, you make me excited.”
I pressed my face against him and murmured back, 'I'm very excited now too.'
He was hard right away, over twenty centimeters. I took him into my mouth, no longer hurrying to end it as if I had been forced, but slowly savoring it instead. The pink head carried a faint fishy smell, stimulating my taste buds. I took as much of him as I could into my mouth, using both mouth and hands. He quickly came on my face, a lot of it. He said he was helping me put on a face mask. I spread the semen evenly over my face. He laughed and said I should go be a woman.
After that night, we never contacted each other again. But I began to formally confront my sexual orientation—I like men.
Half a year into the job, I transferred to a higher-end Lounge Bar with better pay. Xiao Hui still often stayed over after graduation. One day, she came crying after a breakup, and I took time off to accompany her. In the afternoon, we went shopping at a department store. She suddenly brought up that time with the women's clothing, saying she thought I suited it and suggesting I try again. She pulled me into a disabled toilet, had me put on her black knit top and short skirt, and applied light makeup. In the mirror, except for the less obvious chest, I looked exactly like a young woman just entering society. She hooked her arm in mine and had me continue wearing high heels to shop with her. I was so nervous my legs felt weak.
After returning to the apartment, she joked about taking a photo, and I refused no matter what. In the end, I still got photographed. She lifted her skirt and touched me through my underwear, whispering, “Let me be willful one more time.” I let her rub against me with her lower body until I ejaculated. She said nothing more, silently tidied up the room, and left.
From then on I began going out in women’s clothes on days when I didn’t work. My voice was higher-pitched, my tone deliberately feminine, and I was never discovered. My wardrobe held more women’s clothes than men’s, and I even bought a realistic fake breast set. Xiaohui continued teaching me makeup and styling, and seemed to really like how I looked in women’s clothes.
Three years after graduation, the mortgage was paid off, and savings reached seven figures. I began undergoing psychological evaluation in preparation for gender transition. Friends were supportive and opposed; Xiao Hui shielded me from all opposition. The process with two psychiatrists went smoothly, the gender confirmation surgery was successful, and artificial ovaries were implanted, keeping my body semi-permanently filled with female hormones and possessing a vagina capable of achieving female orgasm. After surgery, I received a female ID card.
The bar owner didn’t mind and even arranged for me to go to the new branch in the north to avoid gossip from regular customers. I rented my small apartment to an informed friend as a studio and headed north with my luggage. The new job was easy, I became a small shareholder, and I only worked three days a week. The place I lived was a few minutes from the bar, and also close to Xiaohui. At twenty-six, I had a stable income and started jogging regularly in the park. My breasts had grown to a C cup under estrogen stimulation, and they bounced while I ran, attracting a lot of attention.
One day while resting in a pavilion, a middle-aged man walked over, leered, held up five fingers, and asked if I needed money, offering five thousand to help him suck once. I originally wanted to refuse, but he was pleasant-looking, and I hadn't yet experienced being penetrated. So I suggested going to a hotel, and he agreed to give ten thousand.
In the motel we showered together. I used my breasts to help him wash, and he got hard very quickly. I gave him oral sex first, then let him enter from behind. It hurt at first. He didn't slow down, gripping my waist and thrusting hard. Pain and tingling pleasure mixed together, and I couldn't help crying out. He changed positions and kept going, and finally ejaculated inside me. Still wanting more, I used my mouth to get him hard again, sat on top to take the lead, and we reached climax together. He kept his promise and gave me 10,000, and even left his phone number.
Over the next few months, I tried one-night stands a few times. Most of the other party was impatient, with poor stamina, and afterward I often had to take care of myself. One early morning at McDonald’s, a uniformed boy who looked barely eighteen timidly asked for my number. I smiled and refused. Later I heard his coworkers laughing at him for being the one who’d been seduced, and anger flared in me, so I walked up to the counter and kissed his lips as compensation.
From Christmas to New Year's Day, business doubled and the investment cost was recouped. The boss brought his wife up to celebrate. The boss's wife treated me like a younger sister and cared about me. After the celebration, the boss and his wife stayed in my apartment, and I went to Xiaohui's place. The next day the boss's wife invited me shopping, and at night we ate together again. The boss praised my accounts as beautiful. After work he stayed in the office, and I dozed off on the sofa. Half-awake, I felt someone touch my cheek; when I opened my eyes, it was the boss. Flustered, he explained that he had been attracted by my sleeping face. I took his hand, led him into the bedroom, and took off my clothes piece by piece.
"If you don't mind a body that has undergone surgery, then please enjoy it to your heart's content."
It was as if a switch had been turned on in him; he buried himself between my breasts. My breasts had already reached D. He used them to masturbate him, while I extended my tongue to lick the glans. Then he used his tongue and fingers to bring me to the brink of climax before entering me. I came for the first time immediately. He changed to the lotus position, and I came for the second time. Finally I raised my butt and let him thrust into me wildly for half an hour, ejaculation shooting onto my back. I was so exhausted I fell straight asleep, and when I woke I was naked, nestled in his arms.
The boss's wife had actually long allowed him to vent outside, as long as he didn't have children. I still accompanied him back to central Taiwan to apologize to the boss's wife. Instead, she smiled and said being able to walk was already a blessing.
For the next two years, I became the boss’s little mistress. Publicly, I was said to be his daughter. By day I cleaned the house and accompanied the boss’s wife to buy groceries and go shopping; at night the boss trained me until I became extremely sensitive. He liked turning on the lights and placing a full-length mirror so that I would call him “master” or “husband” in a thin voice. He always left his semen inside me, even hugging me to sleep without pulling out. The bedsheets were changed every two days.
The boss decided to immigrate to the U.S., handing over all his property proofs in Taiwan to me. I liquidated my business, keeping only a townhouse and an apartment in the north, found a regular job, and started living an ordinary life. But my body, trained to be sensitive, could only be satisfied through one-night stands. Xiao Hui urged me to get a boyfriend, but I still wanted to wait a bit.
Once at a pub, a blond boy pressed close while dancing, and I pretended to be too drunk and leaned against him. In the restroom, he hurriedly tried to take off my skirt, but the door was opened by three foreign men. They invited me and my companion alone to a group sex party at a hotel. We agreed.
There was also a white girl named Lisa in the room. The three of us drew lots to play animals: I was the rabbit, Dandan was the dog, and Lisa was the cat. The black man gave me a carrot and made me sit down and masturbate. Dandan was stuffed with a tail and a collar, crawling like a dog. Lisa was given a milk enema. The black man pulled out the carrot and replaced it with his own large penis, making me get fucked while nibbling the carrot. Dandan was forced to drink milk mixed with feces and urine. The party lasted three hours; I was fucked until I passed out and woke up again, finally numb below. The next day, I refused to stay any longer and rested for over half a month to recover. Dandan, however, continued to become a party pet.
Once desire is opened, it is difficult to close again.
I continued walking through the city, using my body to confirm every sensation after truly becoming a woman. Some nights were gentle embraces, some were intense group sex, and some were just slowly exploring myself in front of a mirror.
After my foreign boyfriend appeared, I chose to bury the past in my heart and start a new life. He doesn't know I used to be a boy, nor does he know about those feverish and chaotic nights.
But I know—
From the first time putting on women’s clothes, to the completion of surgery, and then to every climax afterward, it was all a path I chose myself.
The story continues.
My foreign boyfriend is named Erik.
Tall, blond, with shallow dimples when he smiles. We met at the Bar. He was a regular, always ordering the same whiskey, sitting in the corner quietly watching me mix drinks. One day he left his number, saying he wanted to take me to dinner. I agreed.
The relationship progressed quickly. He didn't know my past, and I wasn't in a hurry to tell him. My body was already that of a complete woman—voice, demeanor, reactions, everything. The first time we had sex, he was gentle, kissing from my forehead all the way down, his fingers exploring the already wet place, making sure I was ready before entering. I actively wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and whispered in English in his ear that I liked it. After he came inside, he held me for a long time and asked if I wanted to go again. I nodded.
He was the one who proposed marriage.
A simple ceremony, with only a few mutual friends. After marriage, we lived in an apartment near his company. During the day, he went to work. I occasionally went back to the Bar to check the accounts, but spent most of my time at home. Life was so calm it hardly resembled my former self who indulged in pubs, hotels, and parties.
But the body remembers.
Sometimes when he is on a business trip for a week, I slowly undress in front of the mirror, releasing the pent-up desire with my hands or toys. Sometimes in the dead of night, I recall the two years of training from my boss, the thick bodies of black men at group sex parties, and the dazed expression of being played with until I lost consciousness. Desire is like an underground river, calm on the surface but still flowing beneath.
One day, Erik came home early and found me sitting on the edge of the bed, legs apart, fingers still inside myself.
He froze for a moment, then closed the door and walked over.
"Continue." he said in a low voice.
I didn't stop. He unzipped his pants, already hard. I used my free hand to hold him, masturbating while stroking him. He looked into my eyes and suddenly asked:
"Were you... very open-minded before?"
My finger paused for a moment, then sped up.
"Do you want to hear the truth?"
He nodded.
I selectively told some of my past—the start of cross-dressing, transitioning, the two years with my boss, occasional one-night stands. I omitted details about the group sex parts, only saying 'participated in a few rather wild parties.' After hearing it, he was silent for a long time, then pulled my hand out and entered me himself.
This time was fiercer than any before. He gripped my waist, thrusting deep each time, asking if it felt good, asking if I preferred the way it was before. I was fucked to the point where I couldn't form complete sentences, only able to answer intermittently, 'I like you,' 'Now I only want you.' After he came inside, he didn't withdraw immediately but held me in that position.
"If you want to do something in the future, just say it directly." He pressed against my ear. "I can keep you company."
From that day on, our sex life had some new elements.
He would come into the shower while I was bathing and enter me from behind; he would throw my legs over his shoulders on the living room sofa; occasionally, at my request, he would tie my wrists with a silk scarf, letting me completely hand over control. I taught him how to use his tongue to bring me to orgasm, and he learned very quickly. Sometimes after we finished we would chat; he asked me how I had felt before the surgery, and whether I still missed the days when I was a man. I shook my head and said my body was already who I am now, and the past was only the road that led here.
One weekend he was on a business trip, I was home alone.
In the evening, I received a message from Xiaohui saying she was divorced and wanted to come stay for a few days. I replied, “Welcome anytime.” When she appeared carrying her luggage, her eyes were red. As soon as she came in, she hugged me and cried. That night we drank a little, and then she suddenly asked:
“Are you really happy now?”
I looked at her and nodded.
"Sometimes I think about the past." I said honestly. "Thinking about those messy but very real nights. But the way things are now is also good."
She was silent for a moment, then leaned over, resting her head on my shoulder.
"I sometimes regret not supporting you earlier."
I held her hand.
"You're already good enough."
That night we slept in the same bed, just holding each other. The next day she was in much better spirits, started helping me tidy the room, discussing whether we should open a small shop together. Life seemed to return to a familiar track.
After Erik came back, he saw Xiaohui and acted naturally. The three of us had a meal together. After dinner, Xiaohui returned to the guest room, and Erik and I stayed in the master bedroom. He hugged me from behind, his hand slipping into my nightdress.
"Does she know about us?" he asked.
"I know a little."
He didn't ask any more questions, just turned me around and kissed me deeply. That night we went at it especially slowly, as if confirming something. Afterward he stroked my hair and said in a low voice:
"No matter what you were like before, now you are my wife."
I buried my face against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
Desire still exists.
The story is also still continuing.
Only this time, I was no longer walking alone on the road in the dark.
Someone is willing to hold my hand and move forward together.
Erik's business trips became more and more frequent.
Sometimes he would be gone for ten days or half a month. When I was alone in the apartment, I could fill the daytime with cleaning, reading, checking the accounts at the Bar, but nights easily became empty. The body is more honest than the mouth; when desire accumulates to a certain critical point, it finds its own way out.
After Xiaohui got divorced, she stayed at my place for nearly two months. After she found a new job, she moved into a shared rental, but she still often came over on weekends. Once, she had too much to drink, leaned on the sofa, and suddenly asked if I still remembered that cross-dressing incident from university. I nodded. She smiled and said that back then, she had actually had some thoughts about it too, but didn't dare to say anything.
The air was quiet for a few seconds.
She reached out and touched my face, her movements very light. I didn’t dodge. She was the one who started the kiss, carrying the smell of alcohol and a bit of probing. We slowly took off each other’s clothes on the sofa, using our fingers and tongues to confirm each other’s reactions. I knew her body, yet it was also completely different. There was no penetration, only bringing each other to climax. Afterward, she leaned against my shoulder, her voice a little hoarse:
“Just take it as... making up for what we didn’t do before.”
I didn't speak, just tightened my arms.
After Erik came back, he noticed a subtle change in the atmosphere, but he didn't ask about it. He simply became more proactive in bed, and sometimes deliberately slowed down, waiting for me to beg him when I couldn't bear it. I cooperated with him, and also told him the way I truly liked. He learned very quickly, and gradually became able to find exactly the spots that made my legs go weak.
One night after finishing, he suddenly said he wanted to try something more extreme. I asked him to what extent. He thought for a moment and said we could start with bondage and verbal domination. I agreed.
He tied my wrists with a tie and secured them to the headboard. His movements were not especially skilled, but they were enough to make me feel controlled. He kissed from my chest all the way down to my abdomen, then farther downward, using his tongue to bring me almost to tears before entering. During it, he would ask in a low voice whether I was comfortable and whether I wanted it a bit harder. I answered truthfully. After he ejaculated, he untied the tie, pulled me into his arms, and kissed my forehead, saying thank you for being willing to trust him.
That feeling of being completely caught and held was more calming than a simple climax.
Later we would occasionally call Xiaohui over for dinner together. The atmosphere between the three of us was subtle but not awkward. Once, after drinking too much, Erik looked at me, then at Xiaohui, and asked whether we should all stay the night. Xiaohui blushed, but did not refuse immediately. I nodded.
That night, the three of us squeezed into the master bedroom. At first, it was a bit awkward, but gradually we let go. Erik mainly focused on me, occasionally touching Xiao Hui as well. Xiao Hui was more accustomed to interacting with me. No one forced anyone; the pace was determined by each other's reactions. After it ended, the three of us lay side by side, the city lights outside the window casting a pale orange hue on the ceiling.
The next morning when Xiaohui left, she paused at the door and said she wanted to come again next time. I nodded.
Life just moves forward like this.
There are peaceful daily routines, and nights that suddenly ignite. There is stability with Erik, and also an indescribable closeness with Xiao Hui. Those chaotic memories from the past occasionally still surface, but they are no longer as sharp as before. They have simply become part of my body, reminding me of the path I walked to become who I am now.
Before one business trip, Erik put a spare key on the table and said that if I wanted someone to keep me company, I could call Xiaohui over anytime. I looked at that key and suddenly felt a part of my heart that had always been tightly tense loosen.
He knew my past, and accepted that sometimes I would need more.
And I, could finally stop hiding my desires so deeply.
The night Erik put the spare key on the table before his business trip, I did not call Xiaohui right away.
I first showered myself, stood in front of the mirror, and looked at my body. The marks from the surgery had long since faded almost to invisibility; the curves of my chest, waistline, and inner thighs were all of my current self. Desire slowly warmed beneath my skin, but I wasn't in a hurry to resolve it.
The next evening, Xiao Hui appeared with a bottle of red wine. After entering, she first looked around, confirming it was just the two of us, then kicked off her shoes and walked straight over to kiss me. The kiss was deep, with a hint of the urgency of a long separation. We didn't even sit on the sofa, just took off each other's clothes in the entranceway. Her fingers were more skilled than before, knowing how to make my legs weak. I pressed her against the wall, using my tongue and fingers to bring her to her first climax. She leaned against the wall panting, her eyes moist, saying she wanted me inside.
I satisfied her with toys. She wrapped her legs around my waist, biting my shoulder during climax, leaving faint teeth marks. Afterwards, we moved to the sofa, drinking that bottle of red wine naked. She asked if Erik knew she would come. I nodded. She was silent for a moment, then laughed, saying he was so nice.
That night, she stayed over. We did it a second time, then a third. In between, she cried once, saying it was the first time since her divorce that she truly felt her body belonged to herself. I held her without asking for details.
Erik came back three days later. When he came in, Xiaohui had already left, but her perfume still lingered in the air. He said nothing, just pulled me into the bedroom and entered me from behind. His movements were heavier than usual, as if rechecking something. After ejaculating, he pressed against my back and asked in a low voice whether it felt good. I answered truthfully. He kissed the back of my neck and said that next time, if she wanted to stay for dinner, that would be fine too.
After that, the three of us would occasionally spend the night together.
Sometimes we just eat and chat, then return to our own rooms; sometimes we naturally end up in the same bed. There is no fixed script; it all depends on the atmosphere of the night. Erik prefers to take the lead, while Xiaohui is used to interacting with me. In the middle, I can both be filled and give. Afterward, when the three of us lie side by side, we rarely speak, just listening to each other's breathing gradually steady.
One weekend, Erik suggested staying at a beach house for two days. Xiao Hui came along too. During the day we walked and swam on the beach. At night, back in the house, the curtains didn't need to be drawn tightly. When the sea breeze blew in, the sensation of our bodies pressed together became especially clear. Erik had me sit on top of him, Xiao Hui hugged me from behind, her hands reaching around to the front to knead my chest. When the feeling of being attacked from both front and back pushed me towards climax, I heard my own voice being covered by the sound of the waves.
On the way back, Xiaohui fell asleep against the window. Erik drove while reaching out to hold my hand. He didn’t look at me, only gently rubbed my knuckles.
"Are you happy?" he asked.
I looked at the streetlights rapidly receding outside the window and nodded.
"Mm."
He didn't say anything more, only tightened his grip on my hand a little.
After returning to the apartment, life returned to its original rhythm. During the day we were each busy with our own things, and at night sometimes it was only the two of us, sometimes there was one more person. Desire no longer needed to be hidden, and no longer needed excuses. It simply existed, as natural as breathing.
One day while sorting through an old box, I found that photo of me in women's clothing secretly taken by Xiao Hui during university. The person in the photo smiled stiffly, but their eyes were bright. I slipped the photo into an old book, neither tearing it up nor deliberately displaying it.
It's right there. And I, I have already walked a long way behind it.
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